Is Life Not Making Sense?

Are you weary?
Are you doubting?
Are you questioning yourself?
Are you angry you didn't get it?
Are you in distress?
Are you stressed?

Do you question your existence?
Do you find yourself at crossroads?
Are you stuck?
Is the tunnel still dark?
Are the lights off at the end of the tunnel?
Did they lie to you?
Did life happen?

Are people telling you all is well?
Did they say you will sail through?
Did they mention you can do it?
Did they point out, 'This is a phase'?
Or perhaps they exclaimed, God, will see you through.

That moment when you realise life doesn't make sense

This may be your story
For me, it is

It isn't easy to see all things go wrong
It's difficult to pick up the broken pieces
You may blame yourself
Or find someone eligible for the cause
The Irony of Life

As a teenager, I had the desire to grow up quickly
A desire to own my space at 23
The long list detailing who I will be and all I will have
But you get to that stage and realise you have zero to nothing
Did life slap me so hard?
Did the enemy consume my success?
Omo! Perhaps I missed my path

Lost in thoughts
Confused
I guess you and I will exclaim
That's life and as they say, Adulthood na scam

Yes, that maybe life
But how did you start this life?
What and Who did you look up to?
Who was and is your source?
Who or what do you have faith in?

For me, I looked hard and realised I had no one
All I had was the one who created me; God
I got in touch on the phone
I told Him everything
The pain
The hurt
The stagnation
The trials
The systems of society
I poured my heart out
My 'guapo' t-shirt was drenched in tears
For over 2 hours I couldn't speak anymore
I picked up a pen to continue but little did I know the leaves of my diary couldn't hold my tears for a minute
It was then I realised it was time for me to listen

I kept mute, I paid attention
I listened
I heard
I read
There, it was
The answer has always been close to me
He gave me this answer a long time ago
But I guess I didn't pay attention to Him
I rode Him like a vehicle
I should have made Him my priority

He gave me life through this Answer
The leaves that have always stood the test of time
The manual that gives life and needs no revised edition
The manual that gives different solutions every day
One that directs, corrects, rebukes and loves
His word, His life, His light
The Bible

But what at all can I find in this state when the lights at the end of the tunnel are off

In desperation, I opened
I opened the letter written by James to believers
There the answer looked at me, face to face, my brows raised, and my jaw dropped, how could I not know all along

He said, I will have many troubles and that should give me a reason to be happy.
I smiled but quickly frowned
The many troubles I can testify to
But the happiness in all this
No, I refuse to be a witness

That was when he said

Through these times our faith is tested; our faith in whom we believe and the promises He has given to us
Through these times, we get the opportunity to learn patience
We learn to be patient in our suffering
When patience works in you, you do not rush to take up the wrong task
You do not get disturbed by the trends
You do not jump on temporal joyful things
You do not go for that which will destroy you in the end
That's when our faith is tested
Through Patience (Joy) in our suffering, we mature into who we have been called to be
There we attract that which is ours when it's time
We receive that which our Creator ordained for us

It's quite difficult and never easy
Laughing through it all? Wow
To have nothing and still dance?
To be insulted yet apologise and smile?
To be disgraced and not retaliate?
To lose everything and wake up each morning happy?
It surely is difficult

But see,
He knows it isn't easy, God knows
Knowing wisdom is the principal thing,
He asked
Do you need wisdom?
He says to ask Him, He is generous to give us wisdom to sail through these trying times
But we can not get it if we doubt as we did, looking for solutions elsewhere
He has wisdom, strength and all we need to face that which comes at us

Do not let your desires trap you
Do not let your desires consume you
To take up something not meant for you
To go in the wrong direction
To do what will end in your destruction

Do not look at the beauty of people's life and wallow
Look at them and be happy for them
Have faith, keep believing and not doubting
Patiently wait for your time
Ask for wisdom to know what to do
If you have missed your journey with your source, then, it's time to Reconnect
Read the Bible, find answers

Your time will come,
Even with that, you will face the challenges
But this time filled with so much patience, wisdom and wits to overcome
All because you waited and stayed connected to your Source

Every good and perfect gift comes from God, Your source
As God never changes
Seek after Him, put your trust in Him
Yearn to know Him
Seek after perfection and excellence not 'okay' and 'flashy'